Do you ever cry sometimes and you don't know why? Do you ever find yourself thinking of all the things you don't want to because they hurt too much or what's the point?
Thinking about what you don't have doesn't change it nor does it push you forward. But the truth is these are the things you want or the things that secretly haunt you. Like will I ever stop feeling like a disappointment? Is it possible for someone to love me, really love me for all the things I am and everything I'm not? Will I ever feel whole again? Will I ever feel like I have a family again? I look at the progress I've made and its amazing, I am proud of myself.
I still realize though there is pain there. Pain I try to push aside in the hopes until that one day it will no longer exist but that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt. When we ignore it, it only comes out in other ways. That or we simply push every good thing out of our lives because we become so afraid that its not possible to have these amazing things or that we will lose them or we aren't deserving of them. We can make the decision to change all the right things but if we don't find a way to truly move on from the things that hurt us then we can never truly be happy.
Happiness is the key and so is peace.
These are the things we should truly be striving for. I do my best to always be positive because that is what I want for my life and others. The thing is though I'm human and I have healing to face as well. I've done much of it, its true but I still have a way to go but it's ok because I want to heal and life is a process. I tell this to everyone else but frequently forget for myself. I feel as though that's common to some degree. It becomes easier to focus on others over ourselves. But at some point, we have to focus on ourselves to grow, to learn and to really take flight. I've said it before, we aren't meant to live ordinary lives but extraordinary ones. We need only the courage to seize the right moments.